Somehow the friends that I'm close to have super good relations with the other gender.
I mean since secondary one, my friends are all much prettier than me.
Now I'm going baybeats with this poly friend of mine.
 And she asked me if her friend could come along. Well, a guy friend.
And I'm like woahhhh. I feel so inferior sometime yknow.
Like why do guys fall for my friends, and nobody falls for me?
Like at this point of time, I don't even have any close guy friends.
Usually girls have that one friend that she talks alot to.
But nope, not me.
 I got to admit, I'm not pretty or whatsoever. So it can't be helped.
Now I feel like a freaking extra going out with the two of them.
I mean I'd rather out and party alone but since I asked her to come alongggg.. Sigh.
It got me thinking when will I ever find a guy #foreveralone
It hurts my ego

FAMILY

Family means the world to me. But these days it has always been bad news for my family. Its just not a good two years for us. Everyone is getting sick one after another. I have made multiple visits to various hospitals and I have lost some loved ones as well.

I remember distinctly losing two loved ones last year during my preparation for O's. One is my great grandma. I knew she was gonna be gone so I was quite prepared for it. But now when I think about it again, there will always one empty space in the house which was previously her room. I used to love listening to her talking even though I cannot even understand a single word she said. (She spoke Boyanese language only). And then a few days after Hari Raya, I lost my dearest 'uncle'. I could recall that I met him just a few days before his passing. He was always a cheerful man but I realised something was amiss. He looked pale and he felt tired after minutes of holding his new granddaughter in his hands. He loved to joke around. The last phrase that he said to me was "Dont fail your O's". I mean my other relatives would tell me to aim for As but he was already satisfied with a pass.

I thought after the two, life would turn out for the better. But nope not really. A few months after O's was quite a joy until April came. My beloved paternal grandma got admitted to hospital after having a fall. You know how falls can be extremely fatal for the elders. She was just like a month away from turning 91 but she never made it. The fall caused her brain to falter and her health just deteriorated after that. I remember clearly that it was on the 26th of April. I was on the way home from a day well spent with friends when my brother called. And told me to rush over. When I reached Sembawang, it was official. I lost her. I swear I cried non stop. I just felt weak and lost for the next few days.

Now in June, my dad was admitted to hospital. I was at Dover, preparing myself for a mock presentation when I got the text. My dad cannot move his legs and was waiting to be admitted to the hospital. Like seriously who doesn't get super anxious over such a text. I swear I wanted to fly back to my house but I couldn't just leave my group behind uh. It was also the first graded presentation of that sem. I tried to hold back tears but ended up crying in the bus. (hopefully nobody saw me in tt state). And then when I reached school, I exploded into tears. I'm really sorry for my friends who had to see me cry in front of them. I totally ruined the mood for them. And when I saw their eyes, I could sense that they pity me. It is really not the best of feelings because I HATE feeling weak. After that, I would just laugh it off and smile instead of getting depressed the whole day. Its no use getting depressed over such matters anyways. These kind of things I would rather hide under my smiling face.
My dad came back from hospital but is currently wheelchair bound. Its really super scary when you see your elders fall down. Just days after he came back from the hospital, he almost fell right in front of my eyes. Luckily I was there to catch him. Talking about falling, my mom also almost fell today while she was getting up after prayers. It really scared the shit out of me. Both parents are not really in the best of health. Dad has one month plus MC. And mom said she might quit her work soon because of the pain in her legs. 2nd bro and I only have part time jobs. And my 1st bro is the only one working full time as of now. How the hell is he going to support the whole family if my parents really stopped their work. And he's surely using loads of money for his wedding next year.

I hate the fact that there are many circumstances that affected my family greatly. But I will just regard it as tests from God. I'm positive that God kept good news in store for my family in the future.

And I'm grateful for the friends I have. But I really don't need the pity. Many people have told me that they're there for me but I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I'll manage it in my own way.

That idiot makes me smile.

Me : Do you think my friend is pretty?
He answered back with : No, you're pretty.
Made my whole freaking day.

And then the first thing he asked me when he came to work,
Am i handsome?
Haha at first I didnt know how to react because other ppl were there so I just said no.
When it was left to only two of us, I told him he was handsome and he starts smiling like a fool. (FREAKING CUTE)

When he went back home earlier than me, he would say "dont miss me ah". HAHAH dude who misses who. And I start to think if he misses me too.

When I told him about my leave on 18-22 mar, he told me he would go play bball at my school just to see me and he said he'll miss me. HOW ADORBS.

Everybody thinks its just a brother-sister relationship lol.

I remembered when i first saw him i thought he was weird. When we started talking, he started to treat me to alot of stuff and even lent his jacket to me coz i was dying from the cold haha. He's such a sweetheart.