Somehow the friends that I'm close to have super good relations with the other gender.
I mean since secondary one, my friends are all much prettier than me.
Now I'm going baybeats with this poly friend of mine.
 And she asked me if her friend could come along. Well, a guy friend.
And I'm like woahhhh. I feel so inferior sometime yknow.
Like why do guys fall for my friends, and nobody falls for me?
Like at this point of time, I don't even have any close guy friends.
Usually girls have that one friend that she talks alot to.
But nope, not me.
 I got to admit, I'm not pretty or whatsoever. So it can't be helped.
Now I feel like a freaking extra going out with the two of them.
I mean I'd rather out and party alone but since I asked her to come alongggg.. Sigh.
It got me thinking when will I ever find a guy #foreveralone
It hurts my ego

FAMILY

Family means the world to me. But these days it has always been bad news for my family. Its just not a good two years for us. Everyone is getting sick one after another. I have made multiple visits to various hospitals and I have lost some loved ones as well.

I remember distinctly losing two loved ones last year during my preparation for O's. One is my great grandma. I knew she was gonna be gone so I was quite prepared for it. But now when I think about it again, there will always one empty space in the house which was previously her room. I used to love listening to her talking even though I cannot even understand a single word she said. (She spoke Boyanese language only). And then a few days after Hari Raya, I lost my dearest 'uncle'. I could recall that I met him just a few days before his passing. He was always a cheerful man but I realised something was amiss. He looked pale and he felt tired after minutes of holding his new granddaughter in his hands. He loved to joke around. The last phrase that he said to me was "Dont fail your O's". I mean my other relatives would tell me to aim for As but he was already satisfied with a pass.

I thought after the two, life would turn out for the better. But nope not really. A few months after O's was quite a joy until April came. My beloved paternal grandma got admitted to hospital after having a fall. You know how falls can be extremely fatal for the elders. She was just like a month away from turning 91 but she never made it. The fall caused her brain to falter and her health just deteriorated after that. I remember clearly that it was on the 26th of April. I was on the way home from a day well spent with friends when my brother called. And told me to rush over. When I reached Sembawang, it was official. I lost her. I swear I cried non stop. I just felt weak and lost for the next few days.

Now in June, my dad was admitted to hospital. I was at Dover, preparing myself for a mock presentation when I got the text. My dad cannot move his legs and was waiting to be admitted to the hospital. Like seriously who doesn't get super anxious over such a text. I swear I wanted to fly back to my house but I couldn't just leave my group behind uh. It was also the first graded presentation of that sem. I tried to hold back tears but ended up crying in the bus. (hopefully nobody saw me in tt state). And then when I reached school, I exploded into tears. I'm really sorry for my friends who had to see me cry in front of them. I totally ruined the mood for them. And when I saw their eyes, I could sense that they pity me. It is really not the best of feelings because I HATE feeling weak. After that, I would just laugh it off and smile instead of getting depressed the whole day. Its no use getting depressed over such matters anyways. These kind of things I would rather hide under my smiling face.
My dad came back from hospital but is currently wheelchair bound. Its really super scary when you see your elders fall down. Just days after he came back from the hospital, he almost fell right in front of my eyes. Luckily I was there to catch him. Talking about falling, my mom also almost fell today while she was getting up after prayers. It really scared the shit out of me. Both parents are not really in the best of health. Dad has one month plus MC. And mom said she might quit her work soon because of the pain in her legs. 2nd bro and I only have part time jobs. And my 1st bro is the only one working full time as of now. How the hell is he going to support the whole family if my parents really stopped their work. And he's surely using loads of money for his wedding next year.

I hate the fact that there are many circumstances that affected my family greatly. But I will just regard it as tests from God. I'm positive that God kept good news in store for my family in the future.

And I'm grateful for the friends I have. But I really don't need the pity. Many people have told me that they're there for me but I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I'll manage it in my own way.

That idiot makes me smile.

Me : Do you think my friend is pretty?
He answered back with : No, you're pretty.
Made my whole freaking day.

And then the first thing he asked me when he came to work,
Am i handsome?
Haha at first I didnt know how to react because other ppl were there so I just said no.
When it was left to only two of us, I told him he was handsome and he starts smiling like a fool. (FREAKING CUTE)

When he went back home earlier than me, he would say "dont miss me ah". HAHAH dude who misses who. And I start to think if he misses me too.

When I told him about my leave on 18-22 mar, he told me he would go play bball at my school just to see me and he said he'll miss me. HOW ADORBS.

Everybody thinks its just a brother-sister relationship lol.

I remembered when i first saw him i thought he was weird. When we started talking, he started to treat me to alot of stuff and even lent his jacket to me coz i was dying from the cold haha. He's such a sweetheart.

I can't believe there's so many people who are FAKE. Its better being yourself wth, rather than living behind a lie.

Wishes for October

• Get Good Grades (hopefully pass english exams)
• Go to a haunted house for halloween
• Meet my primary school friends again
• All fights to be resolved and to never happen again
• GO SHOPPING @orchard, bugis etc hehe
• work and get $$
• maybe go MAMAs??
• ahhh spend less time on twitter
• OK THATS ALL

Can people just get a grip and move on with life already.
Its really getting out of hand.
How many conflicts do you want to have?
Why am I always feeling like the middle one?
Gosh seriously I really don't know why conflicts can cause arguments over a long time.
I mean even if i get mad at someone, I will just get along with that person afterwards.

And it's like I don't know any of my friends anymore.
'Taking sides' is taking more than often.
The so called clique is like split into groups.
Why the eff do you want to have arguements with your own close friends. Or whatever else I don't care.
I can feel there's a certain tension. But certainly you shouldn't be quick to blame another person for it.
I think because of the fights, I kinda got to know their real personality. But I really hate it when people say that they want to know the story blah blah blah but then they don't want to do anything about it as they don't want to get into trouble. Selfish much.

I swear I'm getting sick and tired of everything. I'm beginning to think being at home is better than being at school.. Maybe that's the reason I always go home early nowadays. Whenever I hear them talking about it, it just irks me and makes me want to be as far away from them. Its annoying to hear one talking about the other.

party one: "you don't know the full story".
party two: "do you think they know. should we tell them"
gosh its annoying. I have no one to tell this to so I'm blogging about it. Who reads my blog anyways.
either way, one person should have the common courtesy to say what the hell is happening. But if everyone's keeping quiet, I don't want to a give a damn or care about it. I'm just gonna play along and act dumb till somebody says something. But whatever it is, I'm still going to be good friends with both like duh. People make mistakes, it's common in life. Just freaking accept it and move on.

I broke down the first time round and I don't want it to happen again. I don't want to feel so weak and helpless. I just feel that its sad.. I might not know anything about the story this time round but who cares. Maybe it's better not knowing at all.

It hurts alot to see close friends not talking to one another.
Seriously I've have enough of it.
This year, how many fights have there been in the 'clique'.
wow and i'm always the one caught in between.
k so now two girls argue but other people butt in and its a freaking mess.
SO now the so called clique is basically divided into three WOW.
the group that supports one side, the other group that supports the other one and people who just want it to be over and done with.
Its not like the fight benefit anyone at all. Its just a stupid problem that escalated into a big mess.
I'm not blaming anyone seriously. I'm on nobody's side either.
What matters is resolving the problem. NOT who started it, who added to it or whatever.
What does it take to solve it is a simple apology from EVERYONE.
I mean I'm at fault too. I didn't think that it will come to this.
And its hurting everyone c'mon.
Do you know what its like sitting at two different tables.... It just sucks.
Me and two others are caught in between and we dont know what to do.
Its just upsetting....
PLS. JUST. STOP.          

ok enough talking about the guys. but i've got to say i feel really comfortable around CY and XJ keke~ they're just awesome LOLOL.

now its the GIRLS TURN.

for girls, i'll write their name straightaway lol. guys names top secret heheh.:B

FARAH!
ma babe, ma mommy!!:D
when i first came to secondary school, i thought no one was from my previous school.
But i was SO happy to see farah next to me in the school hall and in the same class!! Wow i thought she was the quiet type but ohmy was she super noisy and hyper and weird! I didnt really know her in primary school but now she's a super close friend. Plus we're the only malays in our class so we kinda stick together always. But it has been fun knowing her! Sitting beside her is awesome she's super easy to talk to. And I can tell her stuff that I wont really tell other ppl. P.S. I dont really tell anyone much about me. They'll just have to figure me out lol. But she's a great friend. She just a lil annoying sometimes when she think she is always right and then it leads to arguments hmmm. She's an awesome friend. She is always the life of the party HAHAH. love you farah!

\holidays been pretty busy and its going by so fasttt.

Hari raya celebrations was awesome<3 2 days of awesomeness with my sec school friends.


Its been a long time since I talked to him. Well I started a conversation with him today about something but somehow we talked for quite a long time. Lol I actually asked from a friend for his number as I kinda deleted his number lol oops. And I really have no intentention of keeping his number. Seeing his name appear in my contacts is something I wish not to see. Hmm k stop thinking bout that guy dude.

--------------

WOW I just had a dream bout XJ recently and it was awesome!!!

All that I could remember of the dream was that he confessed and we went out together.

it felt like reality BUT it was only a dream kayyy!!

I should not fall for him lol. I'm just going to consider him as a best friend!

What are the odds of that happening anyways?
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Ahh now I rarely talk to CY as he's a busy guy. I guess when you become busy, u tend to lose some contact with friends. well ohwell.. HAHA. now, I think i'm becoming closer to XJ. which is weird. since I rarely talked to him in school. we were not even in the SAME class. in sec1, I used to see him alot at the bus stop. Then somehow i got a text message and it was from XJ. Hahah he's an awesome friend. Recently, I went back to my primary school on teachers' day. I was preeeety bumped that CY wasnt there but I was really excited that XJ was there!xD H was waiting for me and we saw all the guys playing at the bball court as usual~ see all my former classmates and suddenly out of the bushes I see him emerging out. He immediately shouted my name lol. haha sadly didnt call out H name. maybe he didnt see her. when I went in, I was all excited haha. I think mainly its because of him :D long time didnt manage to see him at the busstop lol. H and me played truth or dare. And i asked her of all the guys playing bball, who is the most handsome. and she said XJ! lol its funny. I think he is handsome too haha. Then came the chitchat session. He was previously from another class but he sat and talk to us awww niceguy lol. After that, me and H went to bubbletea shop and then I called XJ to see if he wanna join. but sadly he was already at home. haha he so cute say "i penat" and all the basic malay hahaha. I think CY and XJ means more than friends to me. But more as in best guyfriends<3 I want to talk to them and see them more often!!!!!!!
 
kk I think im done with all guys in my school.
I think the guys in my primary school are way better.
Maybe that's why I like hanging around them.
XJ and CY they're awesome guys

WOW kk long time i didnt blog heheh.xD
lots of things been on my mind
and i dont know who to talk to.TT
so i decided to blog about it then.
nobody reads my blog anyways these days~